Be Deliberate in Family

Trials and hardships threaten the wellbeing of every family, but these moments can be used to effectively strengthen the relationships between family members. Staying together and working through marital difficulties fortifies a relationship and leads to satisfaction. Anyone with a happy marriage most likely went through times of discouragement. These experiences can often bring the couple closer together. It's hard to grow and succeed without first being stretched and tested.

Overcoming these challenges can be especially hard for a blended family. The husband and wife usually both carry baggage and have different expectations which can make the marriage very fragile. One of the most common struggles among these families is trying to develop the relationship between the children and stepparent. Future problems can typically be avoided when clear expectations and guidelines are set beforehand with warmth and kindness. In a blended family, the birth parent should always be the one to conduct all the heavy discipline. As families work together, they can reach the greatest satisfaction by sticking together and relying on each other for support during times of difficulty.

Parenting with Kindness

The most effective way to encourage children is to focus on their strengths and what they are doing right, rather than their shortcomings. Children will of course need guidance and counsel when they have made mistakes, but parents can go about this method through correct procedures. Parents can motivate their children to make good decisions when they have confidence in them and don't expect too much or too little from them.
Parents are almost always wrong when disciplining their children. Consequences should be directly related to the misbehavior and should be explained to the child. Practicing warmth and consistency is usually more impactful than being strict. Manipulation and control should be avoided. You wouldn't use these methods in any other civil circumstance, so they shouldn't be established in the relationship with your child.

Whistle While you Work

Work has been changed from something fun and meaningful that the family creates together to an inconvenient task that needs to get done. The role of the mother and wife is also something that has shifted in recent years. The traditional view of the work completed by husbands and wives is that the man goes out to his job while the woman upkeeps the home. The responsibility of homemaking has been somewhat frowned upon in modern times, but is something that is still important and necessary. It has become more commonplace for women to become employed outside of the home. Typically wives who work end up taking on twice as much work because they are still left with responsibilities in the home. Researchers have also found that the cost for mothers to work outside of the home tends to cost more than the income she is receiving. After calculating the payments made for transportation and childcare, it is sometimes more expensive for women to work rather than staying home.
A similar problem plagues children in the world today. Young children enjoy helping around the house, but this desire starts to root out of them as they grow older. Parents can help their children enjoy housework by making them feel like they are apart of doing something good. Use housework as a method of teaching children useful skills that they will need throughout their life. Parents can also find ways to make housework fun and exciting. The biggest way families can do this is through altering their mindset. They can view work as a time for their family to fix, clean, and progress together and bond as a family unit.

How Far Does Communication Really Go?

Communication is key in a relationship, but it needs to be the correct type. Everything we say is associated with a deeper level of communication, often expressed through tone and nonverbal cues. The most important aspect of communicating effectively is putting forth your greatest effort to truly listen. As much as you may try to put your point across, there is no purpose in trying to talk if you are not willing to understand what the other person is trying to say. Sincerely putting yourself in their situation and striving to understand not only their words, but the meaning and feelings behind them, will allow you to come to a deeper connection with your spouse or whoever else you converse with.
Transparency in communication is not the same as being brutally honest. Some couples believe that in order to truly understand each other every idea or thought that comes to mind needs to be shared. This is not the case. There are definitely situations where communication is strongly encouraged, but there are also certain topics that are better left alone. It is common belief that if a problem is not discussed it will become bottled up and will explode which does happen very often. However, some issues that we find ourselves dealing with are very one sided and petty. There are many instances where we should first analyze our own thoughts and feelings before deciding how to react.

Dealing with Family Crisis

Every family experiences moments when they go through difficult times and hardships. Each circumstance is different, some more challenging than others. These family stressor can range anywhere from problems between interpersonal relationships among the family to destruction of the home. Whatever the case may be, each trial the family undergoes will be an opportunity to allow them to become closer to one another or pull them apart.
Family stressors usually lead up to the event of a "family crisis". Families can deal with these situations properly by focusing on their love for one another. As they look outside of themselves and work towards building each other up, they will find that they have developed a sturdy support system.

Marital Intimacy and Communication

Intimacy in marriage is a special gift that allows the husband and wife to express their complete love for one another and become one. Along with this sacred privilege comes the responsibility to treat it with the upmost respect and appreciation. The most important way a couple can do this is through effective communication.
Many people are opposed to the idea of communicating personal thoughts and feelings during intimacy in fear of creating awkward tension. In reality, communicating your feelings allows your spouse to know that you appreciate them and all that they do for you. Your partner will be confident enough to move forward because they know that their efforts are gratified. Feelings of discomfort should always be expressed. Avoiding this crucial step creates an unnecessary environment of displeasure between both husband and wife.

Choosing Love

A common excuse for divorce today is to say that they "fell out of love". Over the years they came to realize that the love that they once felt for one another had since expired and the flame of their love had dimmed. How do couples reach this point in their relationship?
The biggest reason for this tragic ending to a relationship is that couples don't effectively exercise their agency. Husbands and wives need to make the decision everyday to love each other. Just like we have to make decisions daily, the love that we have for our spouse needs to be one that we choose everyday. A way to develop this skill is to recognize things that you love about your partner. It is tempting to say that you notice too many things about them that bother you, especially after the "infatuation period" has ended. Focusing on the positive things and striving to appreciate your significant other will almost always overpower the negative.

Types of Love

In the English culture the word "love" is used to describe many things. I love my family, I love my friends, I love ice cream, I love movies. "Love" is used loosely in everyday language, but it also holds a serious, intimate meaning when it is expressed to a significant other. Different types of love can be distinguished using the Greek translations: storge, philia, eros, and agape.

Storge is the type of love found between parents and their children; they love them so dearly, regardless of the choices their children make. Philia is a kind of love that exists in friendships. It is a brotherly love that is known by the Greeks to be the highest form of affection. "Philia" love is warm and close and revolves around values of loyalty, commitment, and virtue. "Eros" love is the romantic love depicted by the media. Even though "eros" focuses on sexuality and passion, it is meant for a specific person with whom an intimate relationship is shared. Agape is the love that people have for those around them, independent of their feelings for them. Agape would be used to describe charity, the pure love of Christ. Which of these types of love is the most important to practice in a marriage? An enduring, resilient love between a husband and wife incorporates each of these Greek definitions in some way. Parents should share "storge" for the children by working together to rear them in love and righteousness. "Philia" should be the foundation of their love, built upon a strong and loyal friendship. "Eros" is the passion that keeps their love alive and allows the spark to keep going throughout their relationship. "Agape" is the true love that couples can practice with people around them before they even enter the bonds of matrimony. "Agape" is the verb of love because it encourages people to act on their love through serving one another. A combination of each type of love in a marriage will provide the couple with the strength they need to face the challenges of life and joyfully endure to the end.

Christlike Men

Our society has developed different stereotypes associated with each gender. Common traits belonging to women include gentle, nurturing, sensitive, artistic, kind, emotional, and creative. Traits typically given to men include strong, logical, emotionally stable, thinkers, and brave. These characteristics might not be true for every individual, but they are the stereotypes that have been given to men and women within our society. When little girls are considered to be tomboys, people usually think its adorable and they are admired for their semi-masculine behavior. However, as soon as a boy displays feminine behavior, he is reprimanded and categorized as being homosexual. Why has this issue become so commonplace? A man's sexual orientation should not be indicated by the way he chooses to act. Many women claim to want to marry a "manly man", someone who doesn't possess feminine attributes. But what woman doesn't want her husband to be nurturing, gentle, sensitive, and kind? Are these not also characteristics that the Savior Himself demonstrated throughout His ministry?

An unfortunate flaw within our society is the degradation of Christlike attributes. We have been commanded to become like the Savior and Satan does everything in his power to prevent us from doing so. Men who are simply loving and kind have been labeled as gay. Boys who are more gentle and sensitive are steered away from these traits and are instructed by society to be selfish and void of feeling. Stop associating these righteous characteristics with homosexuality. Instead, let us praise our boys and men for their willingness to be like Christ!

Family Tradition Ideas

A key component to any happy family is the upkeep of enjoyable rituals. These events serve to strengthen the family and provide them with fun experiences to anticipate throughout the year. These traditions are usually practiced during holidays, but can be carried out during every season. 

1. Road Trips

 Some of my best memories from a child were when our family took road trips together. It is the perfect environment to have meaningful conversations, while enjoying movies and "on the road" snacks. The destination can be as close or far as you want, most likely depending on the ages of your children. 

2. Testimony Meeting

 Families can learn and grow together so much in the Gospel. Taking the time for family members to regularly bear their testimonies will help them to each support each other in their progression toward eternal life. 

3. Service

 The greatest joy that families can experience together takes place when they are engaging in selfless, loving service. One of my favorite memories of service was when my mom and I dropped off flowers to a few of our dear friends. It was a simple service, but it taught me about the importance of serving others, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant the act. 

4. Grandparents' House

 The nuclear family unit can create countless memories through the traditions they spend with their extended family members. Grandparents love to be included in the lives of their children and grandchildren. Going to the grandparents' home for special rituals can also be a meaningful experience for your children. 

5. Picnic

 Even though this isn't necessarily a tradition, it is a fun activity that can be implemented in any family. Bringing snacks and a picnic blanket to any location can be a great opportunity for families to bond with one another. Set aside electronic devices and enjoy time outside through watching the clouds and playing sports. 

6. Camping

 This is one of my favorite traditions in our family. We journey to the mountains for a week, leaving behind worries and stresses from the outside world. Going on a camping trip provides families with many opportunities to enjoy time with each other in the great outdoors. 

Family Rules

Every orderly home requires a sound structure built upon the obedience to established rules and laws. A common indicator of these laws is a display of the "Family Rules" in the household. The rules are typically listed on a cute wooden sign used solely for decoration, or on an overlooked magnet on the fridge. However, the rules that usually hold the greatest importance are the ones that are unspoken. Tangible displays cannot be found, but the rules are evident in the set pattern of behaviors demonstrated by each family member.

One of the biggest unspoken rules in my home growing up was expressing our gratitude. This rule was implemented at one point, but has since become a pattern in our lives. We thank our Heavenly Father for all that He has given us and continues to give us before every meal and at the beginning and end of each day. We would thank my mom every time she made us a delicious meal. These practices allowed us to recognize the blessings in our lives and helped us avoid feelings of covetousness and entitlement. Other unspoken rules included respecting our parents, speaking words of kindness about our family members, and choosing to center our home around the Savior, Jesus Christ.

Introduction

Hello! I'm a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho pursuing a degree in Child Development. I believe in eternal families and the joy, love, and laughter that can be experienced in the home during every precious moment. I am the oldest of four siblings and I have two wonderful parents who happen to be the best people on the planet. I absolutely adore my family and I hope to someday be sealed to my own lovely children and husband.